He walks
into the room and expertly scans the surroundings with one sweeping look. I am
sure he is headed straight for me; his chin is poised at angle perfect enough
for him to maintain a rather intimidating eye contact with me while seemingly
smelling his own aura. His Hugho Boss cologne does the introduction for him metres
before he even reaches me. He is tall, reasonably well built and with a richly
dark skin that makes his facial features even more striking. He has glasses on;
expensively- rimmed glasses. He is in a tailored official outfit that fits
perfectly on his ‘Sauti Soulish’ body;
two buttons deliberately left open to reveal an expensive piece of jewelry
resting on that well- chiseled chest. His shoes, oh, those shoes! It has to be
real leather, brown leather. With one hand inside the pocket, he casually
glances at his Rolex watch momentarily shaking his arm and adjusting it to a
position where he can check the time clearly. His steps seem to be following a
well choreographed motion running through his mind, he owns every step he
makes. In my mind I am adjusting that stray hair that seems to be out of place
and refreshing my lipstick. I even practice that perfect cheese smile I always have on while in front of the mirror alone!
In reality though, I am dazed; my eyes are on a drool. My heart is threatening
to pop out of the chest and my entire being wants to bow before this fine bro
and ask him to do with me as he pleases. He has had me even before hello!
With his arm
fully stretched out for a firm handshake:
“Hello jaber, may I please have the
honour of sharing your beautiful company over lunch?”
(Awkwardly smiling from cheek to
cheek) “Hi, I do not mind company either.”
“I am Ian, Ian Mark O’dek*. My peers
refer to me as Counsel O’dek though. May I know your pretty name?”
Sigh. They
always have important- sounding names; it’s always two English names. He pronounced
his surname with a stress on the first part, making it sound like some exotic
designer brand. Notice that their careers are an informal part of their names
too, if he doesn’t mention what he does within ten seconds of meeting you, he
is not Luo.
“I’m Vilma, pleasure to meet you.”
Hehehe! Now
now, it is not every day that I pronounce my first name like that, this is not
just any man! My ‘A’- game always
surfaces from Lord knows where when a Luo guy is involved. My English is at a
personal best with words rolling off my tongue like I swallowed some goddamned
Dictionary!
“That’s a unique and beautiful name jaber,
sounds like a name from a well cultured family. So what do you do?”
“Thanks, I am in my final year in
campus. I am taking a Finance Major.”
“Excellent! Beauty with brains, as a
matter of fact I have always fancied Bankers and people in that sort of field.
I might consider Public Finance for my second Masters degree.”
*Eye roll*.
I now know he already has his first Masters degree without even asking! He
glanced at the menu with a familiar casualness perhaps to indicate he is used
to eating at such places, almost paying no attention to the prices section.
It’s a Scottish restaurant in Kisumu, I was to have an interview with someone
who ended up stuck elsewhere and this happy accident in the name of O’dek
happened! He motioned the waiter and asked me to place my order first. He ordered
for drinks as we awaited our food to be served; I do not remember the
pronunciation of the wine’s name but all I know is that it’s the smoothest wine
to pass my throat yet! A gentleman with refined taste;
Charmant.
Let’s not
kid ourselves ladies, when a man, any man for that approaches you, he has a
clear plan; a plan to sleep with you. When a Luo man approaches you however, he
has a detailed blueprint in which he reconnoiters through all that art has
placed at his disposal to get you get you drooling, flat on your a*s and begging him to take you to ‘heaven’;
a heaven whose directions only Luo men
can maneuver! He was too good to be true; but Luo men are always like that-
putting up a show is their lifestyle. The lunch entailed me getting unsolicited
information about the law firm where he is a partner, his investments and an
array of companies he had consulted for. At some point he got up to bring some
documents he wanted to go through over lunch from his Subaru parked outside. He
clearly stated that the car in which he had left his documents in was a Subaru
but he preferred driving a Merc that was still at the garage! That’s the much
nerve of bragging I had to put up with. I took the chance to Google his name
and holy sh*t! Everything he had said
about himself was true!
I picked his
brains on a broad range of issues from CBK’s Eurobond and its potency to
matters Baba. He had no ring on but I
had a strong feeling he was a taken fella.
A man this crisply polished cannot stay single in a city full of well endowed
women like Kisumu. Surely he must have seen plenty of other women before me and
one of them must have scored his heart if not his hot self! After the lunch he insisted
on taking me back to school, something I vehemently objected to given that
being seen alighting from a Subaru at school is the easiest way to joining the
dreaded ‘divas’ list. He however
insisted that I take a cab, that his future ‘ex- wife’ couldn’t ride a matatu! The charming nerve! Soon after i left I
asked the cab driver to refund me three quarters of the fare and let me take a Mat back to school, what a wasteful
culture these Luo men have! That guy is too good for me to step anywhere near
him again. Anything good about a man always spells trouble. Counsel O’dek made
it to my blocked calls list faster than it takes you to say plair! A ‘normal’ man ought to have
flaws, many flaws. He should walk clumsily and wear a belt that mismatches his
outfit. A ‘normal’ man should be ‘broke’! A ‘normal’ man should have a bit of a
beer belly, not fiercely ripped abs! I mean, since when did Lawyers start
caring about visiting a gym?! A ‘normal’ man should not generate a load of Google
search results! Sorry counsel, you are a Luo, sorry, perfect man. I do not do
perfect!
*Name changed for anonymity.
