When I joined campus one thing was clear to me: I had
joined a community where the ‘finest
women’ in terms of class and breeding are made and I had to remember my manners
all the time. My cousin Harriet (rip) gave me ‘the talk’ the night
before and among other things she warned me never to do household chores for my
boyfriend and to always insist on cds
if I ever ummm… You can therefore imagine my utter disappointment when my high
hopes were dashed upon realizing that campus is in fact a breeding ground for ‘real housewives’
albeit without the pampering and glitz of their USA counterparts. They are of
two types: the ones with college boyfriends and those with ‘working class’ boyfriends.
Their version of a weekend at their boyfriend’s…
Friday: Poor Vee is single (and broke) and is not looking
forward to the long boring weekend at school. On the other hand is the hyper
roommate- the sort you secretly wish to be like when you are done being a
freshman. She always has something going on in her life; if not a house party
at some uptown estate she will be clubbing with her friends. She has the
elusive ‘working class’ man for a boyfriend and Friday mornings will constitute her
bragging to everyone about how she is going to have a good time at the
boyfriend’s. There is shopping mentioned somewhere in between a lavish dinner
and drinks at ‘that hotel’ in town.
What really goes on…
My high school Headmistress had made it her business to
remind us that ‘marriage is not
a career’;
to the real house wives of campus
however, this is full time business. They abandon their assignments and skive
their Friday classes to hop onto the next economy class bus to their
boyfriend’s place. Reliable sources indicate that the weekend kicks off by
doing their bf’s month- long laundry before ironing them like proper
housewives! Next will be doing a sink full of dishes (yaaaawn!) before
thoroughly scrubbing the equally dirty house. Did I mention being sex- slaved
somewhere?! Someone take me to Atlanta or L.A already!
Meanwhile, back at campus…
I totally love my nails and anything that damages them is an
enemy. I am staring at my laundry in between watching endless movies and wondering
why miracles no longer happen. I could clearly do with a campus boyfriend who
could volunteer to do my laundry on such days! Bad idea; on my way to a
male hostel to get more movies I encounter not one but an entire population of
ladies doing laundry at the male hostel clothe lines! Surely if this is the
description of love some of us will die single. Where do people get the energy
to go washing boxers and things like that for their boyfriends? We are all in
campus and have got work to do so how exactly does doing house chores for a
boyfriend fit in? It does not end there; I hear the more discreet real housewives of campus carry their
boyfriends’ laundry to wash at their places to save face. Afterwards they go
buy food (and alcohol) for their boyfriends using their own money! Did I
mention being sex- slaved again?! Damn!
To this day I know clearly that no man deserves such
exclusive services from a woman unless they are in a marriage (and she is
comfortable doing all that) or she is getting paid to do it! The last time I
was in a relationship all I did was prop my legs on the sofa while drinking tea
and nagging him about how long he was taking to do our combined laundry! Now
that is more like a ‘real housewife of campus’, those doing
donkey work are fakes! Being an ‘educated
housewife’ should come with perks,
alar! Cheers to all single ladies who will be watching SATC alone this Valentine’s
weekend; do not be fooled- the ‘romantic
dinner and flowers’ tales we
will be hearing come Monday will all be hoaxes! Thank God we won’t be nursing
any broken nails and backs!
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