9 MEMORABLE CAMPUS FIRSTS

1.    FIRST NIGHT OUT

First weekend in campus, you have lots of cash from parents, siblings, student loan and what have you. There is a general smell of freedom in the air and everyone is excited about the weekend. You are caught in this hype and off you go out of campus to experience your first night out without having to watch your back for hawk- eyed parents. You do not want to look like a greenhorn so you drink as much as is available and get your first lap dance from some hooker. Nothing good ever comes from this first night. Club brawls on this night leave students seriously injured while for others this is where the angel of death picks them from.

For freshmen, if you are going to have your first experience with alcohol, do not even think of doing binge drinking. Vodkas and any kind of cocktails are a no no. Grab a beer instead and pretend you have a thing for ‘mature’ drinks.

2.    FIRST CAMPUS BASH

Hot on the heels of the first night out is the freshman party that is held in most campuses ostensibly to welcome freshmen to campus. This night campus mafisis hit jackpots while many naïve freshman ladies get the infamous ‘baptism by fire’. That K.U banned this bash should tell the magnitude of damage this event causes. Everything from unprotected sex to outright rape happens on this night. For those who do not meet any misfortune however this night remains a memorable event, from the dancing to good music, they leave full of praises for the campus partying culture.

3.    FIRST CAMPUS CRUSH

You came, you saw, you fell in love bla bla bla… We all know how this kind of story normally turns out. The feeling of being in a sea of members of the opposite sex for the first time and falling for a certain fish however is memorable. The romantic walks around campus with hands held, booking for each other seats in lecture halls, wearing matching clothes (nkt!), sleepovers etc, oh the feeling of innocent love! Both of you swear you are inseparable and fill fb and twitter with childish romantic conversations and pictures. We all know this kind of lovebirds and love to hate on them, right? Well, I wonder why no one still holds hand while in 4^th year.

4.    FIRST ‘BEE STING’

A few weeks ago I came under fire from one of my friends for writing a ‘self- righteous’ piece that apparently hoisted me to the rank of the likes of Angel Gabriel. I will therefore tone down and make a small confession. My fb profile picture at around the time I was joining campus read: ‘Am proud to be a virgin’. Am not laughing so don’t either. I was sure my first ‘bee sting’ would be on some romantic island in the Bahamas- cool sea breeze, floating candles and all. No one bothered to tell me that I would experience the kind of love that would get me ‘giving in ways I would have never imagined to give myself’ before I enter marriage.

For those of us who got that really painful ‘bee sting’ while in campus, let’s all hang our heads in shame. You are lucky if it wasn’t on some small, squeaky hostel bed with a janitor to watch out for. This night is not to be remembered ladies, right? Let me move on to something else.

5.    FIRST HEARTBREAK

For purposes of this piece, bad is the new memorable. Hell hath no fury like a campus heart broken! The drama that follows first heartbreaks is always welcome comic relief especially for the known campus lovebirds that are on everyone’s radar. Sides are taken and the battle line drawn.  On such days you can be sure to get enough entertainment from the two on fb as they publicly air each other’s dirty linen so be sure to purchase enough mb’s!

 If given a chance am sure most of us would handle that first heartbreak the same way or even add a bit of salt and pepper in to it! The adrenaline rush as you exchange expletives at his place and the subsequent drama that characterizes campus break- ups is something to be remembered. Good thing is that everyone else is handling their heartbreaks that way too so there is no condemnation.

Bad for you if it comes during fourth year after wasting a whole four years you could have used to meet lots of other potential suitors on campus not to mention there is no time for drama at this stage!

6.    FIRST LAW ENCOUNTER

Did I frame that right? Ok, your first encounter with the law, precisely the first time behind coolers. Somehow campus life is ridden with many not so good experiences. You go out on a fine weekend to have fun with your friends and the next thing you know is that you’re nursing a nasty hangover at the government guest house with your friends. This is the time you will know who you true friends are seeing as you will have to part with a fine or be thrown behind bars for being ‘drunk and disorderly’ or violating Mututho laws.

Parents are the last people who should ever know about this turn of events. In fact they are never to know and so should the school administration lest they stumble upon your parents contacts and inform them about your jailbird status. The police are not your best friends while on campus; if not at the club they’ll still nab you during a campus riot.

7.    FIRST ‘JANITOR DATE’

There’s always someone watching, if not the police then it’s the snoopy janitor. Some of us have a small problem following rules so the trips to the janitor’s office are endless. From playing loud music, violating the ’10- 10’ rule, cooking in non- designated hostels you name it. We simply cannot enough of the janitor’s wrath.

The first encounter is hair -raising though, the tough talking janitor makes it clear that he’s going to book you on the disciplinary committee and you are reduced to begging for forgiveness before you finally part with a tidy sum for a bribe. Phew! You’ve got to give it up to janitors for knowing how to scare the hell out of naive freshmen.

8.    FIRST TRANSCRIPT

We came to campus primarily to study, right? After you have done all sorts of things to experiment your new- found freedom, the first transcript comes calling. Depending on the nature and extent of your experiments, this transcript is either a wake- up call or an affirmation that indeed you are in campus by merit. You soon realize a ‘D’ is not as good- sounding on your transcript as it is in a bedroom!

You aren’t beyond redemption after first year though, in most campuses first year marks do not count. Get better friends, visit the library more and kick out habits like over- drinking, heavy partying and you will be back on track. Wouldn’t campus be more fun though if someone abolished exams and the likes?

9.    FASHION FIRSTS

Admit it; you were not as fashion forward as you are now when you first joined campus. I know of people who first wore skinny jeans at school and keep them under lock when they go back home. What happened to the nice flowing skirts and dresses that people came wearing in first year? The weave fetish that ladies discover once they do a semester at school? For the gents, those mushaino pastor suits that you used to put on with sports shoes or that same shirt you wore the entire semester? Growth is a necessary thing though; feel good about your new- found sense of fashion. Should we talk about fashion firsts gone wrong on campus? No, let’s spare people that thrashing for today.